Digital And Technology Blog

Have you ever been told
something that truly hurt your feelings? 
Have you ever been criticized and it stopped you in your progress?  Have you become paralyzed from taking action
because of fear of being told unpleasant things?  Most everyone hates to be told negative
things about themselves, yet with a fresh perspective and by adopting some
empowering beliefs, you can change your life in a very positive way.

Every human being has a need
to feel important and appreciated.  We
all love to hear words of affirmation and praise.  We love to hear how good we are at something,
and if things aren’t perfect, we all want to hear words of encouragement.  It would truly be ideal if we all gave and
received positive words of encouragement and praise, yet it doesn’t always
happen. 

When we are told words that
are less than pleasant, either directly or indirectly through gossip, we have a
choice to make.  Most people make a very
poisonous choice at this point, which is to allow themselves to feel worse and
to reactive in negative and destructive ways. 
This is the very instance when you need to stop and see criticism in a
new light.  First, look at criticism
simply as feedback, and the most powerful belief you can adopt is this:
FEEDBACK IS A GIFT!  If you truly believe
that feedback is a valuable gift, then you treat it as something precious and
of value.  It doesn’t matter if the
feedback was negative or positive, it is all a gift.  In fact, I’ll be so bold to assert that
negative feedback may be even more valuable since it may point out more quickly
areas upon which you can improve.

Steven K. Scott gives a
powerful metaphor for criticism.  He
explains that it is like being hit in the face with a bucket of water and sand.  In addition to the water and sand that most
people mistakenly focus on, there are also bits of gold if you know what you
are looking for and you know how to find it. 
Scott explains that the “water? in the criticism represents items that
were exaggerated, absurd, or meaningless. 
The “water? can be dismissed because it really doesn’t mean much.  The “sand? in the criticism is by far the
most irritating and hurtful, and represents the specific words used, the tone
of voice, the spirit of the criticism, etc. 
You must resist the urge to become defensive and argumentative when you
feel the “sand?.  You must dismiss the
“sand?, which will give you the power to find the “gold?.  And finally, the “gold? in the criticism
represents the truths that can be drawn from the criticism that can help you
better perform in the future.  These are
specific items where you can take action and make a change.

In the case of criticism,
your reaction is everything, and your reaction will come from what we believe
and how you interpret the criticism. 
Ideally, no matter how harsh and negative the criticism, you should
listen without judgment and be grateful for the criticism.  Then when you are alone and can think about
what was said, you can separate the meaningless “water? in the criticism and
throw it away.  You can then discard the
irritating “sand?, and accept that the more hurtful and venomous the criticism
is, it is only a representation of the pain the other person feels inside, and
it is being manifested outwardly.  You
can dismiss it knowing that it wasn’t a personal attack (even though it may
have sounded or even felt like a personal attack).  Just know you need to let it go.  At that moment the real valuable “gold? in
the criticism will appear.  The “gold? is
the ideas or suggestions about how you can improve and be better.  If you will accept these valuable insights
with gratitude, they can change your life, especially if you’ll then take them
and act on them toward making a positive change in your life.

There may be a rare case
once in a while when you receive criticism, and there is no “gold?.  It may simply be a personal attack, and
nothing more.  In those cases, simply
acknowledge the pain the other person must be feeling, and dismiss the entire
thing and move on.  There is no value in
holding on to it?let it go.

This technique of accepting
criticism may seem over-simplified, yet it does not need to be any more
complicated.  The value from all
criticism comes when we can accept all feedback and criticism as valuable
gifts, take the time to sift through it to find the true value, then take
action to making a change.  What you will
observe by implementing these habits into your life is that negative feedback
will begin to be less intense and less frequent until it is gone almost
entirely from your life.  The positive
shift will all come about because you made a decision to take all forms of
feedback and make a change within yourself.

Now , go seek for the
valuable gift of feedback!

About the author

Tags: belief, bucket of water, fear, feelings, gossip, love, metaphor, negative feedback, perspective, something precious, steven k scott, words of affirmation, words of encouragement, words of praise

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